My Uncle Mort is committed to establishing a “Go Fund Me” campaign for postal workers of America, retroactive to whenever early voting began.
He suggests joint beneficiaries–directing one-half of the proceeds to whichever “save the trees” group is standing tallest–and the other half to US mail carriers.
Why, you may (or may not) ask?….
*****
Political candidates plead for we, the people, to elect them to public office. If we do, they promise to join–or be on the ground floor to establish credibility for that ages-old “promise” of being “from the government and here to help us.
That’s what political candidates claim, using all means of communication, particularly printing presses operating 24/7. Thus we are barraged with often-tainted information about how wonderful they are, and how fouled-up, banged-up and bought-up are the “low-lifers” opposing them.
We grow weary of such, admitting that there are exceptions to politicians’ “dog and pony shows,” but not enough of them….
*****
“During election season, if I don’t empty my mailbox daily, the second day’s mail won’t fit in,” Mort fumes.
Among his concerns are whether the US Postal Service will replace his mail box when contents become too heavy. Further, he isn’t sure how long postal mail carriers will be able to walk routes, drooping more each day.
Mort–toiling in cotton fields during his youth “from can ’til can’t–pulled out his old cotton sack recently, putting it to good use once more. Shaking out the dust of many years, he’s stuffing all of the campaign literature that comes in the mail…..
*****
The contents won’t ever see the cotton scales, however. Butcher scales will be needed instead, since he intends to weigh materials from each candidate, then cast his vote for the ones whose campaign literature weighs the least.
This is his plan for all elections, local, state and national.
Hey, Mort may be on to something…..
*****
He says he never expected to hear so many ugly comments, so he’s hoping the candidates with the “lightest” printed material will also be the “heaviest” in civility. However, he shakes his head, wondering if this might be too much to expect. (Remember when “civility” was viewed as being central to most candidates?)
“When I was coming along, candidates ‘said a few words’ if asked, and their printed material was usually confined to business cards showing their names and precious little more. Usually, the additional words were something like ‘your vote and support are appreciated’.”
Well, that was then and this is now….
*****
Coming to mind is the old joke about a newspaper editor in a small town where a “low life” was running for the state legislature. He claimed the candidate wasn’t even capable of being dog catcher.
Furious, the politico demanded a retraction.
“I erred last week in suggesting that ‘Joe Blow’ lacks credentials to be dog catcher. He does, but he’s not running for dog catcher. He’s running for the state legislature.”….
*****
The Idle American, now in its 24th year of publication, has been greatly honored.
Of the 1,178 columns penned to date, one recently appeared on page one, above the fold. It must have been a “slow news month” for the London Lobo. In its March edition, Editor/Publisher Brian Jeter led off with my column about the chainsaw-juggling retired rodeo clown–then school superintendent–and his bride of “pert-near” 50 years.
This may be Texas’ only monthly newspaper publication, then distributed free at certain points in and around Kimble County. (I don’t think it “makes no nevermind” to Brian that if he published less than monthly, the LL becomes an almanac.)
The publication runs front and back on 8.5″x11″ copy paper. In it are reminders of community events, one in the March issue providing a “heads-up” that tire, appliance and electronics recycling day is scheduled on Saturday morning, April 11. Now that’s all around town for all around service…..
*****
Longtime president of Howard Payne University in Brownwood, TX, Dr. Newbury resides in the Metroplex with Brenda, his wife of almost 60 years. Email: newbury@speakerdoc.com.