It’s usually a “ho-hum” thing when my Uncle Mort calls. If it’s about business, I make sure to “think monkey” in front of it. 

Recently, his “jabber” included details of his “blind hog luck” while fetching groceries from the thicket’s general store. His visit coincided with the arrival of the bread truck, this time with a trainee. 

 “He was a talker, bringing me up to speed on the news in Dallas,” Mort said. A conversational dark side soon loomed, according to my uncle, about AT&T’s decision to move its global headquarters almost 20 miles north to Plano. Mort’s voice tone ascended from barely neutral to full throttle…. 

*****

 “AT&T’s ‘hanging up’  on Dallas is the biggest local news since sliced bread,” the trainee joked, making sure Mort made the “sliced bread connection” with his job. He added, “Looks like this drama has more ups and downs than an elevator with its tail on fire.” 

The 20-minute conversation–coupled with mindless scouring of the internet–provided enough info for Mort to consider himself an authority on the world’s largest communications company, Dallas’ biggest employer. He learned that the current digs in Dallas are rented, wondering if AT&T was required to pay first and last month in advance. 

He’s “right on” about this being big news. When the jousting includes so many players–including Texas Governor Greg Abbott–it’s like penny-pitching gambling elevating quickly to high dollar casinos. Know this: There’s more spinning going on than all the tops of world toy stores strung together…. 

*****

There’s probably enough squirming in both corporate and city hall board rooms for new moves to be added at belly-dancing schools. Reasons for the BIG MOVE come from many sources, some of them tepid at best. AT&T claims to need a “suburban campus” where it can spread out. Dallas–with several skyscrapers posting “for rent” signs–urges the behemoth bunch to “think tall.” 

This reminded Mort of the joke about overweight guys going to great lengths to avoid great widths, but I doubt this has much to do with the “Big D” brouhaha quickly skipping simmering to a full boil. 

Cut to the chase, my uncle is placing his bets on information provided by a bread truck trainee and internet sources. With him, “You pays your money and you takes your chances.”…. 

*****

Mort’s thoughts  are all over the charts, but I’ll relay some of ’em:

1) Don’t expect President Trump to get involved. He’s too busy trying to convince Canada NOT to build a wall to keep us out. He’s also busy with threats to Denmark that if cooperation with the US isn’t forthcoming, he’ll place a 300% tariff on Danish rolls. Mort, who still hoists a Confederate flag daily, is more worried about Yankees headed south than illegal immigration. Every time there’s news about Federal troops on the Rio Grande River, Mort thinks they ought to be at the Red River gateway from Oklahoma. “The Feds are guarding the wrong river,” he fumes. 

2) Jerry Jones might move the Cowboys north, too; they could start over as the “Plano Plowboys.” 

3) Think of the possibilities for utilizing emptiness left behind. “They could house the homeless and operate city hall in the same building,” he claims. (Right now, Mort is trying to find out if it’s true that AT&T has ordered flak jackets for the company’s nearly 6,000 Dallas employees traveling to and from work daily.) 

4) City leaders, trying to call AT&T brain trusts, may mostly get busy signals. 

5) Mort doesn’t fault Alexander Graham Bell, who invented the telephone. A college professor, Bell was trying to create some different sound pitches to help his deaf wife. (Answering the first ring in 1844 was a “Mr. Watson,” who heard Alex’s request, “Come here, I need to see you.”) Watson wasn’t needed for long, though, since he soon scored big in the ship-building business. 

But that’s another story. 

Foregoing are Mort’s stories, and he’s stickin’ to ’em. My case is rested…. 

*****

Dr. Newbury and his wife reside in the Metroplex. Speaking inquiries, newbury@speakerdoc.com, phone 817-447-3872.