I read an article recently about a high school football coach who was fired at halftime of a game for abusive profanity. Apparently, this was an ongoing problem, and the Athletic Director had enough and fired him on the spot.
When I was coaching, I was guilty of allowing a cuss word to slip out on occasion. None of us are perfect. It still happens even today; you should’ve heard me trying to start my lawn mower last weekend!
In the case of this coach, his choice of words was being used to intimidate and degrade his athletes. That style of coaching died decades ago. Intentionally degrading anyone with words is a dead-end street and no one is the wiser for it.
Without question I “got after” my players verbally when I was coaching. There is a way to hold others accountable for their actions and not be demeaning. But still, I could have done better. Trying to prove my point does not give me the right to humiliate another.
For decades I had a sign hanging on the wall in my office that read “PAUSE.” I hung it there to remind me to “take a second, take a breath, take a walk” before I reacted.
I have been guilty of reacting without thinking and using words I regretted later. Nothing tastes worse than having to eat your words.
Even today, I am still learning to PAUSE before I react. Think about these stones before you throw them. Stopping a word that has left your mouth is like trying to stop a bullet fired from a gun. Whatever you aimed for, you are probably going to hit, and it will leave a mark.
I have learned that the wrong choice of words can be demeaning, needless, and injurious. I know that because I have been on both sides of those conversations. Nobody profits.
Learning when to keep my mouth shut has proven to be more valuable than when I should open it.
Two points that help me navigate conversations.
Speak in the right direction – UP!
When you talk to or about others, speak in a direction that will build them up, not tear them down. Be part of the construction crew, not the demolition team. I have learned in my life that sometimes nothing speaks louder than when you say nothing at all.
Words give life or death.
Whoever coined the phrase; “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” lied. A broken arm will heal and be forgotten, hateful words can stick around for a while, possibly a lifetime. Words, both good and bad, go through the ear and straight to the heart.
One of the many things my mom taught me was to be kind to others. “Just be kind to people because there is no good reason to be rude. If you can’t be kind, Todd, then be quiet.”
On several occasions, I watched my mom calm everything and everyone around her through kindness. When things began to get heated, she would pour kindness on the coals and cool everything down. She never repaid hate with hate, or anger with anger. Her response was always in love whether it was deserved or not.
Great advice. Let love – not hate – motivate your speech, even if you disagree.
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Todd Howey is a columnist for BrownwoodNews.com whose articles appear on Fridays. Email comments to [email protected].