I read an article about a high school football coach who was fired at halftime of a game for abusive profanity. Apparently, this was an ongoing problem, and the Athletic Director had enough and fired him on the spot.
When I was coaching, I was guilty of allowing a cuss word to slip out on occasion. None of us are perfect. It still happens; you should’ve heard me trying to get my lawn mower last weekend!
In the case of this coach, his choice of words were being used to intimidate and degrade his athletes. That style of coaching died decades ago. Intentionally degrading anyone with words is a dead-end street and no one is the wiser for it.
For decades I had a sign hanging on the wall in my office that read “PAUSE.” I hung it there to remind me to “take a second, take a breath, take a walk” before I reacted.
I am still learning to PAUSE before I react. I think about those stones before I throw them. I try to taste my words before I spit them out at someone.
Stopping a word that has left my mouth is like trying to stop a bullet fired from a gun. Whatever I aim for, I’ll probably hit, and it will leave a mark.
Learning when to keep my mouth shut and letting some things go is a sign of strength, not weakness. I don’t have to be right, and I am completely fine with others’ opinions. Even though I may not agree with it, beating them over their head with ugly words won’t change anything. Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.
Two points that help me navigate conversations.
- Speak in the right direction – UP!
When you talk to or about others, speak in a direction that will build them up, not tear them down. Be part of the construction crew, not the demolition team. I have learned in my life that sometimes nothing speaks louder than when you say nothing at all.
- Words give life or death.
Whoever coined the phrase; “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” lied. A broken arm will heal and be forgotten, hateful words can stick around for a while, possibly a lifetime. Words, both good and bad, go through the ear and straight to the heart.
One of the many things my mom taught me was to be kind to others. “Just be kind to people because there is no good reason to be rude. If you can’t be kind, Todd, then be quiet.”
On several occasions, I watched my mom calm everything and everyone around her through kindness. When things began to get heated, she would pour kindness on the coals and cool everything down. She never repaid hate with hate, or anger with anger. Her response was always in love whether it was deserved or not.
If it isn’t true, helpful, kind or necessary, then maybe it’s best to permit silence to come across loud and clear.
Thank you for reading my column. I will be taking July off. I will be back here on Friday, August 8th.
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Todd Howey is a columnist for BrownwoodNews.com whose articles appear on Fridays. Email comments to [email protected].