I know this is a touchy subject for so many people out there, especially in the Veteran population, but let’s talk about asking “the” question. The question you ask? “Are you thinking about hurting yourself?” There’s an old thought process that tells us we avoid this conversation because, “If we bring it up, it puts the thought in their head.” This is simply not true. If someone is battling with suicidal thoughts, they’re already there and the only thing we can do by asking the question would be providing them an outlet to talk to, or at least letting them know someone has taken the time to ask them. I feel us talking a little about this, during these times, is critical. Did you know that the holiday season is a massive trigger for many people, not just Veterans, in dealing with depression, and other mental health conditions? For most people Thanksgiving and Christmas are seen as magical times of the year, but for many it’s a time for regret, self-blame, and a myriad of other negative thoughts to creep in.
With the recent events in Afghan, many Veterans are feeling angry, depressed, asking if their own services or sacrifices, or that of their friends were in vain. With that said, I’ve had family members reach out and ask “How do I help, and fix this for my Veteran?” The short answer is, you don’t. Many people will not like this answer but let’s dig a little deeper into the modality behind it. What most Veterans will need from you at the time is to be the best mom, father, wife, husband, brother, or sister to them that you are. Let them decide who, when, and where to reach out to someone. Let them know they’re loved, you’re thinking about them, and if you’re the person they need to reach out to, you’re available, and then..be available. As Veterans, sometimes we need to separate our “Veteran” life, from our “Home” Life. This is one of the reasons why combat veterans don’t share their combat stories. They don’t want those two lives to mix up. They want you to be there for them as you are, not adjusting to their world and becoming a part of what bothers them.
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Veterans Desk is a column by Sean M. Lewis with the Center For Life Resources, Military Veteran Peer Network and VFW Veteran Services Coordinator. He can be contacted at Sean.lewis@cflr.us or 325-998-6533