Hey John,

I am a sixteen year old boy, and I’ve got a question. What do you do when your mom chooses her p.o.s. boyfriend over her son? I had a little problem with the law a year ago, but I’m almost done with probation. I’m surviving in school, and will probably graduate in two years. “Stanton”, my mom’s boyfriend likes to push me around. I know that sometimes I’ve got a mouth on me, but nothing that would deserve getting shoved into the wall. And, it’s happened a lot. A few months ago, Stan “the man” slapped my mom around. When I stood up for her, I got held down and slugged a bunch. Mom called the women’s shelter, and they moved us in for three months. Just when I thought we were rid of him, my mom told me she was going back with him, but he said she had to come without me. So she’s shipping me to my older cousin’s house fifty miles away to live. Do you think that’s right? Did I make this happen by standing up to him? I know I’m not always the easiest kid to live with, but this seems wrong to me. What do you think?

Sixteen Without A Mom

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Dear Sixteen,

I don’t know what your definition of “having a mouth on me” is, but most adults know a whole lot more about disciplining a teenager than shoving him around, much less punching him out. So, just for your own self-improvement, I would suggest learning how to angrily express yourself without going nasty-mouth nuclear on people. However, that isn’t the main issue. Creepo McToughguy is a fool. Assuming your description is accurate, he is an abusive bad guy, and your mom a somewhat pathetic victim. As a kid, the logical way to see this situation is your mom abandoned her son for her boyfriend. However, as an adult, the deeper way of viewing this is that your mom is sad, needy, makes really bad choices, and her boyfriend meets her need to be wanted. Understanding our parents’ failures is not the same as approving them, but it may help with adding an extra measure of pity for their tragic weaknesses. Despite the obvious abandonment, the fact is that you are hopefully in a healthier and safer place than you were before. I’d suggest you try to stay in contact with your mom a couple of times a week, and try to not bad mouth The Creep, as abused women make endless excuses for their screwed up spouses. Instead, by being a better son than she may deserve, you will be reminding her what love and loyalty are all about. And if you’re so inclined, drop some prayers in her direction. She’s going to need them.