Hey John,
My two kids were taken away by Child “Protective” Services. I am allowed to see one of my kids, but not the other. I don’t know why I can’t see my son, and they aren’t explaining anything to me. What can I do?
Almost Childless
Dear Almost,
CPS has an enormously difficult job in protecting children. In my younger years I worked in a residential treatment center for abused, neglected children. In reviewing some of their histories, I was stunned at the level of cruelty some screwed-up sub-humans could perpetrate upon their children. While I was trying to repair the damage from these monsters, it occurred to me that the CPS caseworkers were the ones who were present when the kids were still bleeding. I couldn’t imagine a more difficult (or important) occupation. However, there are many cases that are left to the discretion of an individual caseworker without proper direction from their supervisor. Some caseworkers are so used to smackin’ heads with dysfunction adults, they begin to think that all their clients are equally dysfunctional, and treat them with some lack of respect. This is where hard-working, talented supervision is imperative. If the caseworker is jaded and the supervisor unskilled or lazy, the parent can be hung out to dry. If you think you (or your child) are not receiving proper treatment, you can contact the caseworker AND the supervisor in a brief letter outlining the problem and your request. Send the letter “registered, return receipt requested.” In this manner, you will have proof of your attempt to resolve the problem. Further, if you feel the agency is in the wrong, seeking out a local attorney who specializes in CPS cases is the next step. If you don’t know who it is, call a few attorney’s offices and ask them for names of those specialized lawyers. Sometimes a show of proper force motivates a caseworker to take this case more seriously (and respectfully). In the event CPS was right all along, you should work hard at gaining new skills to make you a remarkable parent. Actually, you ought to do that anyway.
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Hey John,
My son needs to take his medication, and I am having an increasingly difficult time making him take it. How do I motivate him to stay on it?
Pulling My Hair Out
Dear Hair Puller,
Unfortunately, you don’t say what the medicine is for. Is it ADHD meds to help him focus at school? Is it anti-psychotic medication to control mental illness? Is it an inappropriately prescribed antidepressant to a teenager whose real problem is not depression but a screwed up family? Thus, the answer depends on the situation. Let’s just pick one scenario: ADHD medication for a fifteen year old boy. Being respectful of our teenagers takes a lot of self control. The fact is, unless you’re going to do a Three Stooges gig by shooting it down his throat with a giant pea-shooter, he is in charge of swallowing. Eliciting his cooperation takes some clever negotiating. If he agrees his school performance is suffering, you can paint a potential picture of success. Picture a modified version of the movie Limitless: a magic smart pill. Who wouldn’t want that? It’s typically not quite that dramatic, but sometimes it can be. Often times, if the diagnoses was correct, it can be a big help in concentration and performance. Additionally, you can offer a deal: “son, are you willing to try an experiment? Let’s begin the Ritalin experiment at the beginning of the semester. At the conclusion of the semester, let’s see if it was of any value to you. If it was, I think you should consider continuing the medication. If it wasn’t helpful, stop taking it.” If he agrees, you will need to ask him how you can help him to remember to take it. As it was probably your idea, you have the responsibility to assist him. Be sure to watch for initial side effects such as sleeplessness or loss of appetite. Be loving and clever in helping him through this transition. If you change your demeanor from frustrated boss to patient teacher, you will usually meet with considerably less resistance.