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Hey John,
I don’t understand why some people want to blow money like they do. My friend and I grew up a little below middle class. He married a girl who came from a little more money that he (we) did. When her uncle died, he left them about $50,000 dollars. She wanted to bank most of it, and give them each a little bite to have fun with. It turned into a big problem though. She wanted the money to last, but he figured he needed a new car. By the time he was done whining, coaxing and fighting, he burned up most the money. Now there looks like there’s another 50K coming soon, and he’s already making plans. I’m worried he’s going to permanently damage their marriage. This girl is a once in a lifetime catch, and he’s going to let money screw it up. Why do people act so stupid with money? Do you think there’s anything I can do?
Dollar Corporal
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Dear Corporal,
Although it can happen to all economic classes, it seems like some folks who grow up poor, then get some extra moola, want to live like a rich dog for a short period of time. Logically, if you burned up (i.e. added on to your income) a big chunk of dough, let’s say a thousand extra dollars a month, it would improve your joint income for a little over FIVE years. It appears that for some, the intoxication of living like a rich man for a very brief period of time is more gratifying than making life much easier for a long time. This is why the person who is better with money should make most of the important final decisions about family money. More times than not (with plenty of exceptions), it’s often times the woman. Hey- who forks out the money to pay the bills (or sets up the bill pay)? Who gets the electricity turned on and pays the deposit?
A really good marriage needs one person to let the other who is most competent in any given situation take the lead. This is usually tougher for males, as they typically can be somewhat more aggressive than their mate. If comes down to the final shoot out, whomever is inheriting the money gets to pull rank and politely insist on what is to become of the money [see: how to be properly assertive].
Also worth noting: some people feel like the only way their mate will continue to love them is to give in to their materialistic demands. This very frequently eventually fails. The glue of relationship bonding is way too thin when it’s money. Remember what the Beatles tried to teach us:
♫ Can’t buy me love, love.
Everybody tells me so.
Can’t buy me love, love.
No no no………noooooo ♪
Finally: can you help? You sound like a good person. You probably ought to butt out.
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John Sommer has been a therapist since 1977 and has been providing counseling services at his Brownwood facility since 1987. John specializes in assisting clients with a wide range problem areas such as child and adult issues, family, social and emotional issues in juveniles, relationships, and depression. He also works with non-problem areas including prenuptial counseling, marriage enhancement and assertive training. To submit questions for “Hey John” please email: JohnSommerCounseling@gmail.com
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