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Hey John,
How do you think your little advice column compares to the real columnists like Dear Abby? You seem to be more “down home,” but hasn’t she been an advice columnist for fifty or eighty years?
Dear Crabby is now Dear Crabby Junior, with her much-younger-than-she-was, semi-hip daughter owning the name. Not to mention she makes a lot more moola on her column than I do. Sometimes she’s on, and sometime’s she off. But you know, you owe it to the public not to be massively off the wall. I don’t go around lookin’ for fights, but this bizarro piece of advice got my toes tingling.
So here’s the contention: a lady writes Crabsville complaining that her “masculine” husband of four years is only “having sex” twice a month with her. They are both early forties. She goes on to say, “I don’t want to cheat, but I’m afraid I eventually will if my needs aren’t met”. Crabs responds by saying, “he appears to have very low sex drive, or he may be borderline asexual.” If you try some counseling or sex toys, and it doesn’t work, “you will have to decide if you are prepared to live with the situation as it is.”
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Yow! That seems a little strange. Borderline asexual? Is this really advice? Call me old, or call me old fashioned (just don’t call me later for supper), but I still think marriage is supposed to be about true love, a presumption of permanence, mutual respect for each other, and that ol’ for better or for worse promise thing. If not, why’d you get married in the first place? So Crabbington, Jr., let’s revise that odd assessment and “modern advice.” How about this to consider:
Dear Needs More,
First you need to review why you married this man. “I don’t want to cheat” should never be used as a threat, or even in the deck in the first place. Review your love, loyalty and commitment to him. Secondly, a loving couple should look out for each other. You might want to consider having a talk with him with a few ideas (logically a checkup first). He, on the other hand should we willing to forgo pride or embarrassment and help his true love anyway he can. A competent doctor’s appointment could easily determine low testosterone levels, and is dealt with pretty easily and very commonly. He needs to get over any machismo about asking for help, and you need to re-learn commitment and loyalty. If anyone suggests an off the wall diagnoses like “asexual”, you might seriously question their expertise and judgment. There’s a whole bunch of reasons why couples get out of sync in their love life. Therapists are listed everywhere online, and some have customer ratings. Y’all work like a loving, dedicated couple on solutions and always take care of each other.
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John Sommer has been a therapist since 1977 and has been providing counseling services at his Brownwood facility since 1987. John specializes in assisting clients with a wide range problem areas such as child and adult issues, family, social and emotional issues in juveniles, relationships, and depression. He also works with non-problem areas including prenuptial counseling, marriage enhancement and assertive training. To submit questions for “Hey John” please email: JohnSommerCounseling@gmail.com
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