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Editor’s Note: John Sommer will be writing an advice column, titled “Hey John,” for Brownwood News, published on Fridays. The community is welcome to submit questions to John, asking for advice on various issues, which may be published in his column. Identities will be protected by omitting names. To submit questions for “Hey John” please email: JohnSommerCounseling@gmail.com

Written by John Sommer –  I swear I don’t sit and analyze stuff all the time. Plenty of times, just like everyone else, I’ll just sit around and stare rather blankly and drool a little bit. However, it’s easy to notice parents constantly making the same error with their kids as I have with employees. I have, more than once, instructed someone what I wanted done, and then I don’t check to see if they’ve done what I asked. Then when I discover they haven’t done it, I’m at odds with them. Parents do this with remarkable frequency. A few examples come to mind:

1. [parent]: “When you are done with your spelling, you may play with your Xbox”.
[kid]: “OK.”  Thirty seconds later the Xbox goes on. Parent discovers this two hours later.
2. [parent]: “When this cartoon is over, go and pick up your 100,000 Legos off the floor.
[kid]: “OK.” Three cartoons later Mom is mega-pissed as she steps on yet another Lego.
3. [parent]: “Go clean your room.”
[kid]: “OK.” Three weeks later a particularly bad smell is emanating from Junior’s room.

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So let’s analyze this for a second. The parent gives child an instruction. Parent unrealistically thinks the kid is going to do what they are told without parental follow through. The stuff didn’t get done and a negative situation has arisen (again).  Follow through is necessary for the successful completion of practically anything. If you give an instruction/command to someone and don’t see if they have done it, you are creating a lack of respect for you. To the kid or to the employee, you are in effect saying, “I’m telling you what to do, but it doesn’t matter if you listen to me.”

May I present the following steps:

1. Pay attention to what it is you are asking someone to do.
2. Anticipate that they will forget (or worse – disregard) your instructions.
3. Calmly make sure that you follow through to make certain the task is completed. This may mean you have to join the person in the requested task. Room cleaning or homework completion comes to mind.
4. Do it every single time. Stay focused.
5. If you do not follow through with requested tasks, you contributing to a lack of respect. Stay calm, follow through and teach respect. And don’t forget to love and appreciate your children.

This article was originally posted on John Sommer’s website: Follow Through: It’s Not Just for Batting Practice Anymore.

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John Sommer has been a therapist since 1977 and has been providing counseling services at his Brownwood facility since 1987. John specializes in assisting clients with a wide range problem areas such as child and adult issues, family, social and emotional issues in juveniles, relationships, and depression. He also works with non-problem areas including prenuptial counseling, marriage enhancement and assertive training. To submit questions for “Hey John” please email: JohnSommerCounseling@gmail.com

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